IN LA OR GOING? EAT HERE NOW.

Warning: NSWH (not safe when hungry) because this describes a mesmerizing meal I ate this week at a new-ish Los Angeles restaurant.

My brotha turned me on to this 8-month old gem on Fairfax, which might have been less challenging to locate had there been any sign or indication of the restaurant’s name – animal -- anywhere to be found. But the warm welcome by two ladies at the front compensated for this conceit.

The décor is minimalist, the rectangular room framed by white walls, interrupted only by exposed filament lighting. From the beechwood tables to Neil Young playing on the public iPod, the place projects a warm vibe with nary a candle, cloth or flower in sight.

The menu at animal, which changes daily, is downright exhilarating, with so many tempting choices that we decide to go for four small plates ($5-$15) and one main ($22-$29). We open with Young Kale Salad, Lemon Vinaigrette, Pecorino. Kale is the most underappreciated leafy veg, a shame considering its deep flavor, firm texture and virtue as a “superfood”. Seriously, my biceps were bulging like Popeye as we tore into this plate of shredded greens, lightly dressed with a bracing lemon-osity, and accented by shards of salty pecorino and the crunch of teeny crushed croutons. An excellent way to prep the taste buds for the victuals to come.

Pork Belly, Kimchi, Peanuts, Chili Soy, Scallion is a veritable masterstroke of culinary construction. The pork belly, an increasingly popular menu item these days – although introduced as serious food over a decade ago at Grammercy Tavern -- is melt in your mouth wondrous. Meaty, fatty, tender and crispy all at once, it is perfectly juxtaposed against the cool crunch of pickled cabbage, bathed in spicy chili soy sauce, punctuated by peanuts. In a glorious moment of Zen, Coldplay’s God Put A Smile On My Face fills the room.

Balsamic Pork Ribs, Comte Baked Beans & Elbows. Balsamic vinegar, overused and overrated as a salad dressing, finds its reason for being as a cooking medium for ribs. Succulent porky ribs want for vinegar and sweetness, making this arranged marriage a thing of beauty. Not only does the gossamer rib meat glide off the bone, but the bones themselves actually disintegrate in your mouth. The side dish — essentially mac & cheese -- is another revelation, the cheese creating spider web-like strands across the table each time we reach for another forkful. Two words for this dish: Holy Shit!

Then came the Poutine. How to express my puerile instincts gently? Let’s just say the poutine wasn’t all that came. This is basically French fries with gravy and cheese, but the French have a way of making everything sound sexier, hence poutine. It’s white trash chow elevated to the highest possible level. A staple in Canada, it must be the most ideal plate of food imaginable following an evening of binge drinking. animal’s version of fried potatoes – Poutine, Oxtail gravy, Vermont Cheddar -- is topped with a chunky braise of unctuous oxtail meat in a darkly rich brown gravy, studded with cheddar. Surely you’ve heard the phrase “to die for”? Wrong. This is “to die from”. Go ahead, kill me. This poutine still haunts me.

[Note: A perfect date night sequence of events. Adult beverage. Hot Jacuzzi. Mind-blowing oral sex. A platter of Poutine. Nap. Rinse. Repeat.]

Then the main course arrived – Rabbit & Kale Ravioli, Truffle Butter, Parmesan-- as Journey’s Open Arms played. Don’t care for the song; the ravioli is equally as forgettable. A far better choice appears to have been the Quail Fry, Grits, Maple jus, Long Cooked Chard, Slab Bacon. We would have enjoyed that as well, having spotted it jealously on the way out, but we’d already abandoned the table by then. Damn it.

Room for dessert? We do. There’s the Bacon Chocolate Crunch Bar ($8). Yes, you read that right. The bacon chocolate pairing is a sweet/savory merger that works in theory—the theory being that salty and crunchy complement chocolate. Think Hershey’s with almonds or peanut M&M’s. This version was okay, but not killer. Joe’s Doughnuts, Caramel ($8), on the other hand, two warm, puffy pillows of joy blanketed with gooey caramel…yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ bout.

Skip the coffee and go instead for the Mexican Coke. It’s Coke the way Coke was and is meant to be: in a tall glass bottle, made with real cane sugar. Don’t dilute it with ice. The beers here are all exotic choices and the wines range in price from $30 to $60, so if you’re feeling flush, splurge for the palate pleasing 2004 Syrah from Jorian Hill. If you desire a pre-dinner cocktail, you’ll have to walk just a few doors down to the Kibbutz Room at Cantor’s Delicatessen, a charmingly depressing dive bar out of a 40’s film noir, the lingering scent of spilled scotch and salami wafting throughout. To me, a gastronomic aphrodisiac.

We exited animal as The Decemberists made the playlist, but I’ll surely be back before then. If you go, tell ‘em Kitchen MC sent you. If you don’t, the two chefs’ cookbook, Two Dudes One Pan, is simply terrific.

Remember: “Life is short. Never waste a meal.”© And don’t forget to floss.

Your very own,
KITCHEN MC™
Real guy. Real food. Real fun.
(On Twitter@ http://twitter.com/FreshPie)

animal
435 N. Fairfax
Los Angeles
(323) 782-9225

Cocktail, Chocolate, Music & Sex

Valentine's Day is an ideal time to share some Kitchen MC approved recipes and recommendations to make this holiday of love just a little more memorable.

Cocktail: Sex on the Beach. A juicy spirit to warm up your mid-winter. Let me show you how, here.

Confectionary: Homemade Chocolate Bark. So good. So easy. So do it. I'll show you how, here.

Beauty Product: Betty Beauty. A friend's company sells color for the hair down there.  It gives a whole new meaning to going green. It's here.

Reading: The Politics of Fucking. Warning: This is provocative, adult-friendly content. Here.

Stimulation: It's the only vibrator recommended by Dr. Ruth. Get it here.

37 Recommended Valentunes. (Just click on my iTunes Mix to your right.)-------->>>

"Life is short. Never waste a meal." - The Kitchen MC TM

Real guy. Real food. Real fun.